I’M BAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!
First, let me begin this by apologizing for the “Don’t give up on me” post. I write what I’m feeling and during that post, I felt so down, so useless. But for me to basically say “siiiiigh, I can’t believe I’m this happy. Why is life so hard? Blah blah blah blah“, I basically just acted out one of my biggest pet peeves. Like bitch, shut up, get it together, you are doing FINE.
It took two very important things I needed to help me get out of this funk:
1. “From Victim to Survivor to Thriver”
I keep this folded up piece of paper with me at all times. On the other side I wrote I AM DOING AWESOME!! (Open on bad days). On this side is a list that has improved so much since my very first counseling session three years ago. Three years ago, I had nothing circled in Thriver and maybe 2 things circled in Survivor. Now look at it. Look at all those Survivor circles. Look at those Thriver circles. And this paper isn’t even new. This is from November. I like looking at this, looking at how far I’ve come. I kept this so I could look back on those days. Not the days when I was a Victim, but the Survivor. I look at this paper all the time, on good days and bad. I draw imaginary circles around what I’m feeling and still Survivor and Thriver always out weigh Victim. And that’s a damn good feeling. I am doing AWESOME. I am doing just fine.
2. The Thank You Letter
I have sold a few paintings and donated 10% of the sales to the buyers’ choice. Some people don’t know where they want to send their donation and tell me just to pick for them. My go to women’s shelter for donating is always the YWCA. It’s not big donations, but I always felt good about sending what I could. And then one day I got this letter in the mail. Cue the water works. I keep that letter on the fridge.
Sooooooooo one night, during my pitty party, I was fumbling with my Thriver paper, deep in my emotions and even deeper in a bottle of wine and talking to my boyfriend about everything I had on my mind. He was trying so hard to talk sense into me, trying to help me see that I am doing great, but I just didn’t want to hear it. He got so frustrated with me, so he went to the fridge, grabbed the Thank You letter, and slammed it on the table in front of me and shouted “HOW CAN YOU SAY YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE????? LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE DOING. YOU ARE HELPING SOMEONE ELSE. DON’T EVER QUESTION YOURSELF EVER AGAIN!!!”
Thankfully, he doesn’t read this so he won’t know what I’m about to say……………
He was right.
Yeah, I said it. He was right. I am doing fine, and I shouldn’t make myself feel so shitty for it. And I am helping. I have the Thank You letter to ensure me of that.
So here I am. I’M BAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m painting again, and selling, and still donating 10% to a women’s shelter of the buyer’s choice.
However, for the time being, I am no longer doing any custom paintings. If you see anything I post that you like, send me a message, and I’ll let you know if it’s available and the price. If you see something you like, and it’s already sold, that’s ok too. I’m going back to making new things every week so just keep an eye out for something else 🙂
I cannot thank everyone enough for your outpouring of love and support for me during this dry spell. I swear to you, each and every one of you who reached out to me, you helped and gave me support in more ways than you will ever know. Thank you all so much for everything.
Panic Attack Paints 