February 14, 2014
He threw all my things out into the yard. My bike, my ipad, my dog’s crate, the little gifts I bought him for Valentine’s day, anything he could get his hands on, it was all thrown, smashed, and broken in the yard.
The neighbors across the street who opened their door to me, who called 911 for me, who went back to That House to find my dog and my phone for me, they are my guardian angels. I wasn’t able to make that call to 911 myself because I didn’t have my phone, I didn’t know where it was but I didn’t have it on me and I was not going to risk my life for a damn phone.
I did risk my life trying to save my dog though. She was outside on her yard leash for all of it.
Before running to find help, I hid outside in the dark trying to get her free, but the hook was so old, my eye was swelling shut and my hands were shaking so much, I couldn’t unhook her. I saw him in the window walking towards the front door and I knew he wasn’t done. I looked my terrified dog in the eye, I held her face in my hands and I told her how sorry I was for putting her through all of this and I promised I would be back, and then the front door opened and I ran.
Once the police showed up at the neighbors’ house, my place of refuge, I begged them to please find my dog and my phone. They went back and searched the yard and the house but when they came back, they couldn’t find my phone. Or my dog.
I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Once I arrived and the doors opened, the same police officers were standing outside of the ambulance, one handed me my phone. But I didn’t care about that. What about my dog?!?!
“We found her”, he said. The Officer guessed at some point during The Night, she began digging next to the front steps of the house and made a hole underneath, big enough to hide out until it was safe. He also let me know the guardian angel neighbors were keeping her with them until I would be discharged from the hospital.
My dog is a survivor.
She is a rescue. I got her from the shelter when she was 3 months old. She’s always been nervous around anything new, but now that she’s older, her biggest fear is men and that breaks my heart. Usually with rescues there’s some kind of back story. You can guess “She doesn’t do well with kids because at her old home they used to sit on her like she was a horse”, but with my dog I know exactly why she is hesitant towards men and it’s because I was there.
I don’t know what happened after I ran away. All I know is the next morning, after being discharged from the hospital, my mom, some family, and I went back to That House to pack up my things and there was the hole under the steps, just like the police officer had said. I don’t know if my ex did anything to my dog, not just that night but in all the time we were together, and I don’t want to know.
I do know this fucked her up. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night from The Nightmare thinking I woke myself up from crying or yelling, but it would actually be from her, having her own nightmare. When my boyfriend and I first started dating, he would come visit me at my mom’s, and my dog would go hide, not far, but enough to where she could keep an eye on things without being seen, and if he ever stood over me, like if I was sitting down and he was standing next to me, she would come out of hiding, hair on her back standing straight up, and growling. I had never seen this side of her before, and secretly, I loved it while also it broke my heart at the same time.
My dog, while she was nervous at first, used to warm up quickly and love anyone she met. But now I had to reteach this tiny Cujo that not every man is bad. And I guess that’s helped me too. It took some time, but she loves my boyfriend now. She doesn’t like leaving his side. And his dog and her are the best of friends. My boyfriend has helped her, and me so much, I don’t know where we’d be without him.
One thing I do know, and all I need to know, is that my dog and I have a bond that will never be broken now, and I am reminded and thankful for that every time I walk through the door and and am welcomed by that little animal full of love.
Panic Attack Paints 